The Dreaded $22,000 Cell Phone Bill

Here's a quickie for the day.

A father gets a cell phone for his 13 year old son and adds him to the family plan.  Cool huh? Unfortunately the kid downloaded 1.4 million kb of data without a data plan which brought the cell phone bill up to $22k. Good thing for daddy Verizon is going to credit his account for the charges.

This just enforces my age old saying, "Parents shouldn't have cell phones."

Link:crazy bill

Ever Have Your Urine Stolen? You're Not the First.

What's with all the urine today? Seventeen urine samples were stolen from the Bear River Health Department in Utah.  Now what would someone do with all that urine? Probably use it to ensure that they will pass every drug test they take for the next few years.  Or maybe just keep it as part of a collection?

All fun suggestions but I think I know the true answer.  I think this is somehow related to Daniel Shilt's imprisonment mentioned in my previous post.  The thief or thieves probably stole the urine and will use it to stage a prison break.  The thieves will bomb the jail holding Daniel with the stolen urine, causing a slippery yellow mess that will disorient the guards.  They will also use straws to blow the urine in the eyes of the remaining guards, rendering them blind and smelly. 

After the breakout Daniel will reunite with his urine soaked friends and resume to shower the heads of officers with his stream of defiance!

Story Link: Who Steals Urine?

How to Seriously Piss Off a Cop

Usually when you drink alot you have to pee alot.  That's a scientific fact right?  Tell that to the cop who arrested poor old Daniel Shilts Jr.  Apparently Mr Shilts was arrested for drunk driving.  On his way to the station he felt mother nature calling. So Daniel did what any normal person would do, he started peeing all over the back of the cruiser and it must of been a hell of a piss because he managed to spray the back of the officer's head.

This guy did what the rest of us only dream about, relieving ourselves all over a person who has done us wrong! And hey when you really gotta go what else can you do.  We all know what it's like to have to go so badly that you can barely walk, and when you are finally able to release, the pressure of the flow is so intense that it feels like your teeth are being sucked out the bottom of your jawline.

Too bad the judge wasn't so understanding and sentenced this urine spewing hero to 1 year in prison.

Link to Story: man pees on cop

Wedding Bells For a Man and His Nintendo DS

A Japanese man known as Sal9000 in the gaming worldhas decided to do what most video game enthusiasts only dream of; marry a video game character.  Yes that's right, Sal9000 decided to marry a character from the Nintendo DS game Love Plus. This is the closest Sal has come to having sexual intercourse in his entire life.

This reminds me of the time when all of my classmates used to talk about the busty, pixel ridden beauty know as Lara Croft.  Boys used to by that game just so they could use the nudity code and stare at those flesh colored triangles all they wanted. However, once puberty was reached most of these young boys moved on to being interested in live, breathing love interests.

Sal9000 has bitch slapped all of use who once had a crush on an animated character but moved on. He decided to be a man and follow through on his desires.  After all, what is marriage really worth if you can't choose to marry fictional characters.  I for one have always had a thing for Super Mario (love rthe terrible Italian accent), maybe it's time I follow through and have the first imaginary gay wedding to a fictional character.  Unfortunately since gay marriage is such a controversial issue I may have to deny my true feelings.  After all, Mario and I wouldn't want to desecrate the sacred tradition of marriage. We'll just have to wait and see.

Story:http://videogames.yahoo.com/events/plugged-in/man-marries-a-videogame/1376577

Refusing to Tip Can Land You in Jail

Remember when tipping a person for providing a service was a strictly voluntary act? The amount of the tip is usually determined by the quality of the service. Unfortunately this idea no longer holds true.

A couple, Pope and John Wagner, were out with friends one night having some food and a couple of drinks.  The service was terrible so they decided to pay the bill but not to leave a tip.  When they didn't tip the bartender called the police who locked up the couple on a charge of thievery. 

I have the honor of saying this is one of the DUMBEST things I have heard in a while.  No Matter what size your group, whether it's 1 or 40, tipping should be optional.  Now you might say, "Oh but serving a big group of people is much harder and we deserve extra compensation!"  No you don't.  You have to provide good service and earn your tips, like your ancestors did.

I just can't believe the couple was actually locked up for this while other, more heinous crimes were probably being committed.  I can picture it now, as the police where throwing these two "criminals" in the back of their car a gang of circus midgets, armed with bazookas, robbed serveral banks while kicking over a stroller and stealing an elderly woman's dentures.

I just hope the cops can focus on catching the circus midgets before its too late.

Link to story: Tip or else!!

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Internet Bully? NO WAY!!!!

Head of Child Exploitation and Online Protection (Ceop), Jim Gamble, is apparently upset with Facebook and MySpace for not taking serious steps to prevent internet bullying.  Gamble wants the sites to put up a “panic button” for teens can click on when they fear they are being bullied.  Reps from the sites say that it won’t make much of a difference.  You know why?  They already have a report button!

However, it seems that internet bullying is taken seriously in the U.K. An 18-year-old boy named Keeley Houghton was the first person to be jailed for internet bullying.  Yea thats right he went to jail for saying “Keeley is going to murder the bitch.” 

So do you actually have to be polite on the internet now?  How do you arrest someone for being a dick? If these are the new rules then I have plenty of former bosses that should be doing 10-15 with no chance of parole.

And what will happen to the internet dorks?  Next time someone says “ZOMG u r so fuckin dumb, ima cutz ur throat” while discussing Halo vs. Call of Duty, will they be arrested?  If so then we’ll probably see labor camps spring up soon, crowded with pimply social retards with hygiene issues.

Cocaine + Murder = Forbes Top 100?!

Apparently being a Mexican drug lord with a $5 million price on your head is enough to get you on both the Forbes' top 100 richest and top 100 most powerful list. Beating out such stiff competition such as Oprah, Joaquin Guzman just happens to be a Mexican drug lord on the Forbes list.

What I find interesting isn’t so much that he made the list but that Forbes' actually said that he was a “self made man.”

I think the lesson here kids, is that you can make your dreams come true and become rich and famous. All you have to do is murder, steal and be willing to infect people with cocaine.

SO LOAD YOUR GLOCKS AND GRAB YOUR COCKS, IT’S TIME TO MAKE SOMETHING OF YOURSELF!


Pic taken from http://www.theadmonition.com/?p=2049

Motion Sensor Gaming is Better Than Curing Aids?

Remember when curing AIDS was a big deal? That horrible disease that infected people through their most favorite activity of all time, SCREWING!!!

I remember.

It was typically an automatic death sentence. A slow and painful death that ate away at a person until they were no more. A cure for the most deadly disease we know seemed impossible. And the worst part, celebrities such as Magic Johnson were dealing with HIV!

It seems, however, that is no longer much of a concern. TIME listed their top 50 inventions of 2009 and guess what, the AIDS vaccine is on there. Yes that's right, the AIDS vaccine. Apparently scientists have developed the first vaccine to immunize against HIV.

Of course an AIDS vaccine is great but what shocks me is that it falls 3 places behind "Controller-Free Gaming". Yes apparently using a motion sensitive device for gamins, such as Microsoft's Natal, is considered a more important invention than the vaccine for an extremely deadly disease.

Now to me this just doesn't make any sense at all. Yea controller free gaming is a nice little perk but honestly, I would much rather NOT DIE FROM AIDS than play Call of Duty with nothing to hinder my shooting reflexes other than my general lack of balance and coordination. But maybe my priorities are just all wrong. What do you think?

Check out this link to see the other top inventions of the year. Cloned puppies anyone?